I am a big, blond, calm and confident man, I have short hair and I use glasses. I am 28 years old and I live in Paris with my big family in a small apartment so i like to travel by train to get some more space for myself. I have worked with the railway company for three years.
I am the conductor on the Athens coach. I dream of one day having enough money to buy a big apartment so that i can settle down with my family. I like to hang out in the dining-car, because i have got an eye on Emily Landrake, that works there. I stay awake all night and sit i the conductor's seat in the Paris coach. During daytime i get some sleep in the Paris coach in the staff section of the train. I share compartment with the other conductor Pierre Michel.
There has been a murder on the train, the victim was Samuel Ratchet. I am concerned about the reputation of the train. Having a murderer running around on the train can't be so good for the passengers or the people that work on the train.
I think the murderer is Hector Macqueen because they found a napkin with the letter H on it and they found a knife in the room next to Samuel Ratchett's room. Someone talked French in Mr Ratchett's bell and Hector is Ratchett's servant that helps him with languages and he knows french and he had access to Samuel Ratchett's room and bell. He had pretty easy access to Mrs Hubbard's room also because she lived next to him.
In the bell Ratchett or Hector said ''C'est rein. Je me suit trompé'' which in english is ''It was nothing. I was wrong. I don't know what he meant with that but he said it at least. I have no reason to believe it is Hector but i have a feeling it is him but it can be anyone, except me.
Also M.Bouc is bad and he should feel bad, he also lies a lot.
You have described your character well and have all the evidence and their against who you think is the murderer. You have also good comments of what the murder would mean to the railway company. What has je me suit trompé with hector being the murderer. And also I don't get the last sentence what has that with the murder to do with.
SvaraRaderaWell written and good story, but you forgot to use a capital "I" twice.
SvaraRaderaI not agree
RaderaYou have a good reason for why you think what you think but you should maybe write a little longer text about what happend after you suspected the murderer.
SvaraRaderaGood text, the content of the text was good, but I think you could have been more creative and chosen a different suspect, because MacQueen is so obvious and easy to accuse. i think you missed some capital I's.
SvaraRaderaThe structure of your text was good, but maybe to divided the text into too small parts, for example the first two paragraphs could be merged into one bigger. That would be good, because a paragraph with only three sentences is a little bit too short. I don't know what the last sentence is about, its a little bit weird.
i think you missed some capital I's. Your grammar and stuff like that is pretty good, but your text could have used some more commas, like, you only had one comma in the entire text, it would have been better if you had some more, and made longer sentences with a huvudsats and a bistats.